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congressman & cowboy

cntry141iq

Silent Prop
R. I. P.
Florida Cowboy

A Florida cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Bansunglasses and YSLtie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you
have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite
navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany Within minutes, he receives an email on his Palm
Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and
calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

the cowboy says, "You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government."Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked.
You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about
cows........

Now give me back my dog."
 
This is a real hoot! Made me laugh out loud!

A lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota. He shot and dropped a
bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As
the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his
tractor and asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a
duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in
California and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this
with the North Dakota Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's that?"

The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first
I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back
and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that
he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local
custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work
boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second
kick
to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The
barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end
sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his
feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old
coot. Now it's my turn."

[I love this part.....]

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the
duck."
 
Nothing But the Truth

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial- it went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several block away.
Q. Officer, who provided this discription?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a locker room in the police station? Is it a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, that you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been know to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
 
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