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Holiday Smile

bravo1218

Silent Prop
R. I. P.
My dear Friends and Family,
As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of
you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the
past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed,
and wealthy. Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in

the glue on envelopes cause I now have to go get a wet towel every
time I need to seal an envelope. I also, I scrub the top of every can
I open for the same reason. Because of your concern I no longer drink
Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi

or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists
who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use saran
wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the
coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to
shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and

rob me. I no longer receive packages nor send packages by UPS or FedEx

since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the
phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will
get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan. I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually
horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer have any
sneakers but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair
from Nike. I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman
Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul
because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. Thanks

to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward
an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about
to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time) I no longer have any
money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that
Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special
email
program.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
now
return the favor! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 145,000
people
in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea
will
land on your head at 5:00 pm (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will
occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
 
You got more than a smile out of me on that one! That's funny. Merry CHRISTmas to you and everyone.

Harvey
 
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