joke

sLeAzY772

sLeAzY772

Well-known member
here's a little joke i found on another site i thought ya'll might enjoy to get ur mind off things..

BEAR HUNTING:


Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin, and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate. Although he survived it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods and he managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
 
That was a good one and reminded me of this one;

A bear was just finishing doing what bears do in the woods when a little white rabbit came hopping by. The bear said "hey rabbit, do have have trouble with poop sticking to your fur"? The rabbit thought a moment and said " no not really". So the bear picked him up and wiped his butt with him.
 
A man had taken his first job since retiring from the Navy, and his new employer was delighted with his new employee except for one thing.
The man could never seem to get to work on time. He always drifted in 10, 15, 20 minutes late for work.

His boss decided that he was going to have to have a talk with this man, so he called him in one morning.

He said, "Listen, Bob. I really like your work ethic. You do a wonderful job when you're here, but you're late every morning. You're a retired Navy man, right ? What did they say to you in the Navy when you came in late"?

Bob said, "They said, "Good Morning, Admiral".
 
A rat was wandering through the jungle, looking for a mate, he couldnt find any female rats, so he went up to a raccoon, and begged her to have sex with him.
the raccoon said" get away from me ya little rat!"
So the rat continued his search. and still could not locate a female rat.
he then found a gazelle, he asked the gazelle, "please Ms. gazelle, wont you have sex with me?"
the gazelle said heck no! and ran off.
the rat came upon a female elephant, grazing under a coconut tree.
The rat explained his situation to the elephant, and the begging and pleasding paid off.
So the rat crawled up the elephant's hind leg and began to "Get Busy".
All of a sudden, a coconut fell out of the tree and hit the elephant in the head so hard, she said:
"OUCH!"
That rat, feeling studley, said:
"you like that rough stuff, dont ya baby"
 
A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem.


The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man. The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"


The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend."


Grandma's minister fainted!
 
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they
passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he
grunted
and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow
some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom.
She played along and the gorilla got even more
excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of
her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he
said. This
drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage,
flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
"Now. Tell him you have a headache."
 
Difference Between Left and Right!

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books, such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop.

{Get ready - You're going to laugh out loud}

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between left and right.
 
thanks cody, we goin' riding tomarrow? how long till ur done fixing ur done fixin ur rig??... (7 7 DUECE)
 
Yeah I'll call you in the morning when I get up and we'll figure out a time. Dane said around 1:30. My rig should be done in about a week give or take. I'll give you the whole run down tomm. when I see you as to what's getting done. (7 7 DEUCE) Ha Ha!!
 
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly


A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She asked.

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.


Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"
He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone."
 
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I
can get a haircut"? The barber looked around the shop full of customers
and said, "About two hours."

The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,
"How long before I can get a haircut"? The barber looked around at the
shop and said, "About three hours."

The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How
long before I can get a haircut"? The barber looked around the shop and
said, "About an hour and half."

The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor.
Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking 'how long he has
to wait for a haircut', but then he doesn't ever come back."

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves"?

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house."
 
Two guys walked into a bar.
That was kinda strange,
you would have thought the second one would have seen it.

Yeh its early :)

Scotty :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
A man gets home from work and sits in a chair and says honey hurry up and get me a beer before it starts. He drinks it and says the same thing, honey hurry get me a beer before it starts. He drinks it and says the same thing honey get me a beer before it starts, she comes back yelling at him "all youve done since you got home was sit in that chair and drink" yada yada yada.
then the man says "SHit it started"
 
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
 
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